Setting Your Intention Right

Assalamualaikum wbt

Everyday I wake up, I set an intention to be a better Muslim, a better daughter, a better sister, a better employee. To treat everyone better. To love everyone more.

Everyday, I try to observe closely all the things around me and learn some values from it.

Everyday, I try to set my intention right, to give and gain the best from everyone.

But many times, I failed, and people around me only see the failure part because that is the 'product'. People don't usually see the process. They just want to see the end result. Hence, they see me as a negative person, short-tempered, impatient, easily give up, unfriendly and many more. They don't see what I've done to be a better version of myself. They don't see the tears that fall for having to bear with all the hardships along the journey.

Like a lady who worked hard to bake a cake, but it turned out to be a disaster, and people would just point to her and said, " Your cake is a disaster". 

That's just the right way to reflect the situation that I'm in right now.

Other people don't see the struggle and the pure intention that I have made. That's why it all must start with and come back to Allah, The Most Merciful. The Most Gracious. The Most Understanding. He knows all, and He will grant us all with His blessings, with the goodness that He has promised. It is enough to know that Allah witnesses all of it and I believe, surely He will reward us all for the effort that we have made. Insya Allah.

That Little Hope For the World

Assalamualaikum wbt

I'm always touched by little gestures shown by other people.

Like a Chinese who politely said 'tumpang tanya' when he wanted to ask for directions.
Like a Nigerian Muslim who passed by, greeted me with smile and Assalamualaikum.
And the lady above (third from left), who is not yet a Muslim, but approached us and tell us that she loves the Muslims wearing hijab because they look beautiful, and asked us to wear the hijab on her, right at that moment.

There. Amidst the chaos and extreme terrorism, I believe we still have hope for this little world. Insya Allah.

Mixed Feeling

Assalamualaikum wbt

Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal. All praise to Allah swt. The last paper has finally ended and I've got my thesis hardbound!

These few weeks have been quite an upside down, emotionally. I may be smiling and laughing, but deep down inside my heart, there's a mixed feelings. I'm all excited to finish my study, but at the same time, I'm sad, scared. It's hard to believe that it's ending. It feels so surreal! Somebody must pinch me hard and tell me that this is all happening.

And, it is.

The news feed has been filled with posts on graduating, finishing their last paper, submitting their hardbound thesis, and others related. I wanted to update too to express my feeling of accomplishment, gratitude, and such, but I have too many things to be said. If I can, I really want to go to each and everyone who have been there with me, just for me to say thank you.

I know the ultimate source of strength is from Allah swt. I know I wouldn't be able to be where I am right now without His guidance and His blessings. But, those people that have been with me are also a great source of strength and support sent by Allah swt.

Masya Allah, I have just too much to be said but I just couldn't express it all. For all the prayers, thoughtful words, supports, advice, laughs and tears, I can only pray that Allah swt will grant each and everyone of you with His love, His mercy, and His blessings.

Coffee Syndrome

Assalamualaikum wbt

Scene 1:
Tengok kat rak nak ambil kopi
Baru perasan kopi dah habis
Lupa nak beli!

Restless

Whatsapp group Oojengster

Aku: "Sape ada kopi kat bilik? Nak satu boleh tak. Tak ingat nak beli tadi T.T"
Tikah: "Milo je ada" (worries)
Pipah: "Kesian nini. Sory pah takda kopi" (adui takde sorang pun ke ada)
Roi: "Anis ada. Old town." (Yeay!)
Aku: "Anis adaaaaa. Anisssss"
Roi: "Nini ko ni dah ketagih ni"

*nangissssss*


Scene 2:
On the way balik kolej.

Ummi: "Tadi kurma ke kerepek-kerepek yang Abi suruh bawak ada ambil tak?"
Aku: "Tak. Lupa nak ambil tadi."
Ummi: "Kopinya bawak tak?"
Aku: "Bawak. hehehe"
Ummi: -_________________-


I know when they see coffee, they will remember me. Muehehe

The Loss

Assalamualaikum wbt

You know recently we lost Opah after a 14 years battle with stroke. Last year, Atok Mujer passed away. He is a familiar figure in Nenek's house whenever we went to Meru because he would always stopped by to have a meal or to just rest. So to not having him around when we came back to Meru was a little awkward at first. One by one has gone from our sight, forever. I have not yet felt any loss among close relatives until Atok Mujer and Opah, and both, hurt. I can't imagine if the time comes for any other more to go, but when it happens, it's on Qadr of Allah, and we have to be patience. Redha.

Yes, the word 'redha' was uttered a lot when Opah passed away. People who came to pay their last respect mentioned the word so many times, especially when they were consoling Atok. Redha means to accept things wholeheartedly. People's loss is a kind of escape for them from worldly trials, and it then becomes a trial for us who are still alive ------ to bear with the pain of losing the beloved ones.

Those loss, brought to emptiness.

Since Atok Mujer passed away, Nenek has moved to Mak Ngah's house because there is no more point of living there, alone. Same goes to Atok now after the loss of Opah. Both house, empty. Opah's bed, empty.

I guess that's what Allah wanted to convey through the loss. The fact that the world is so temporary. That no matter how much we love someone, either one of us will be gone and nothing stays in this world. Everything will be empty in the end. We all die in the end. Nothing lasts. Nothing stays.

Opah

Assalamualaikum wbt

10.06.16. Jumaat. 5 Ramadhan.

Opah, akhirnya pergi meninggalkan semua yang tercinta. Hilanglah segala perit menanggung sakitnya bertahun-tahun. Hilanglah peritnya menanggung sebak tidak dapat berkata-kata dengan suami, anak dan cucunya. Hilanglah segala derita, duka dan lara pada hari dan bulan yang mulia, yang aku percaya suatu nikmat Allah berikan, berkat sabarnya selama ini.

The pains, has finally stopped.

Suasana sayu bila sampai rumah Atok. Selalunya bila langkah sahaja pintu masuk, akan nampak Opah baring atas katil di ruang tamu, menghadap tv, matanya merenung sekeliling, tidak mampu berbuat apa-apa kerana lumpuh, hanya mampu memerhati setiap gerak geri. Hari itu, tatkala melangkah masuk, Opah masih lagi di atas katil yang sama, tetapi tiada lagi bernyawa, hanya kain yang menyelubungi tubuhnya.

Di luar, Achu dan Ummi berpelukan sebaik sampai, melepaskan air mata yang ditahan. Di dalam, senyum tawar sahaja mampu Cikli berikan waktu bersalaman. Maya mengusap belakang Abi, tanda pujukan untuk bersabar. While Atok kept saying "Opah dah takde". Bibik pun sama. Siapakah yang mampu menanggung sebak dan pedih kehilangan isteri dan ibu tercinta?

Buka puasa. Segalanya terasa hambar. Tiada selera. Kurang perisa. Aku tahu, setiap daripada kami sedang menahan air mata daripada melimpah di hadapan rezeki. But Atok could no longer handle it. He cried, while eating. And that disturbed my emotion the most. Everyone remain silent, while understanding each other's feelings at that moment.

Sepanjang itu, memori lama menjengah satu per satu di dalam fikiran. Terkenang waktu Opah masih sihat dan kuat, Opah pernah mandikan aku dan adik ketika kami masih kecil dan Opah adalah yang paling rajin buat kek dan kuih muih. Kalau ada kelapangan, Opah akan berada di depan tv dan salin resepi yang ada dalam rancangan memasak. Aku teringat opah buatkan biskut mazola guna penutup botol sebagai acuan. Aku masih ingat juga sewaktu opah separa lumpuh, bila setiap kali datang jenguk Opah, Opah akan kata "Nini lawa. Muka nini macam ita (achu)". She always said that I resembled Achu, in a glance.

But, those were the days.

Alhamdulillah, aku berpeluang untuk turut serta dalam pengurusan jenazahnya bermula Opah dimandikan sampai dikuburkan. Hanya waktu solat jenazah sahaja yag aku tak berkesempatan. I witnessed all for the first time. Pada hari jenazah dikebumikan, semua mulai tenang, sehinggalah tiba masa jenazah Opah diturunkan dari van jenazah, dibuka semula kain kafan yang menutupi wajahnya untuk tatapan terakhir ahli keluarga dan yang hadir ketika itu. Waktu itu... waktu itu emosi kembali tidak terkawal. Sedih dan sebak. Bercucuranlah air mata semua. Menyedari hakikat bahawa inilah dia, ciuman terakhir, tatapan terakhir, sebelum disemadikan dan ditinggalkan, selama-lamanya.

"Selamat tinggal dunia, sesungguhnya daripada Allah kita datang, kepada Allah jualah kita kembali"

Kematian mengingatkan kita bahawa kita ini milik mutlak Allah swt dan dunia ini sementara cuma. Suatu hari, kita pula akan menyusul.

This Ramadhan, we lost a strong, compassionate and loving woman. Moga Allah ampunkan segala dosa Opah dan kurniakan belas kasihNya pada Opah. Berdamailah Opah. Moga rohmu dicucuri rahmat. You will be missed dearly. 

Al Fatihah

Hajjah Siti Hafsah bt Mohd Amin

1940-2016

Salam

Assalamualaikum wbt

Sejak beberapa tahun yang lepas, aku mula rajin-rajin amalkan beri salam kepada orang bilamana aku ada peluang. Aku kenal ke, tak ke, aku beranikan untuk mula memberi salam. Kadang pada makcik yang tengah sediakan paip nak cuci tandas, kadang pada staf yang tengah duduk-duduk santai selepas buat kerja, kadang pada staf yang tengah duduk di meja kaunter bila aku lalu depan pejabat, kadang pada pakcik yang sedang siram pokok bunga, kadang pada pakcik yang tengah bersihkan dedaunan kering di tepi jalan, kadang pada pak cik pengawal keselamatan bilamana aku lalu depan post guard. Kadang pada kawan yang aku tiba-tiba terserempak dekat tepi jalan. Kadang pada pensyarah yang kebetulan sedang menunggu sewaktu aku keluar daripada lif.

Salam ni adalah sebuah doa.

Salam bukan setakat diamalkan untuk diucap kepada kakak senior di asrama bila lalu berselisih dengan mereka. Dan bukan sahaja diamalkan ketika berselisih dengan cikgu ketika di sekolah.

Kalau kita boleh buat waktu zaman sekolah dahulu. Kenapa tidak selepas itu? Kenapa tidak sekarang ketika kita kian menginjak dewasa dan lebih mengerti makna adab dan akhlak?

Perkara yang aku amat amat amat suka pada pemberian salam ialah respon yang aku dapat kemudiannya. Senyuman manis, bersama salam yang dibalas. Aih... sangat boleh menaikkan semangat dan menceriakan hari kau! Sangat!

Untuk yang belum pernah cuba, ayuhlah kita amalkan! Percaya pada setiap kebaikan yang kecil, pasti ada ganjaran yang Tuhan telah janjikan. Paling penting sekali, impaknya pada orang yang dihulurkan salam tersebut. Walau tampak sedikit, mustahil tak tersentuh hatinya. Kadangkala, melalui perkara kecil beginilah ada doa yang diutus secara senyap, juga ada kebaikan yang akan tersebar walaupun berskala kecil.
      

Positif #2: School

Assalamualaikum wbt

The other day, I was on my way back to the faculty after having my lunch. When I was passing the stationery store, I've suddenly stumbled upon a familiar figure. A familiar face. A lady. She was just coming out of the store. I stopped and turned around few times before I realised that she was my teacher who'd taught me chemistry back in high school! I was in disbelief. I quickly became so excited and still in surprise when I first greeted her with "Cikgu??!". I was even happier when she mentioned my name! That means she still remembered me. Honestly, we both got very excited. We had a little chat before saying goodbye and I was already eager to bumped with her again in the future. 

You see how little things can immediately cheer you up for the whole day. 

Back in high school year, I was quite a passive student. I did get involved with some curricular activities, but I was not expressive or loud or creative like others. I didn't have specific groups of friends to be clingy with or hangout with when the recess time comes. I was not good in sports. And considering myself in an elite school, placed in one of the top classes, my English proficiency was quite weak and my academic performance was just average compared to others. Due to that, I always felt timid and lack of confident although people around me were super nice and friendly and nonjudgmental. It was a very different version of me compared to myself in hostel.

Till today, I never really keen to reminisce or cherish my time in high school, but I am always proud to be a part of it. 

However, the accidental 'meet up' with my former high school teacher that day was enough to make me realised that I had actually manage to create some fond memories in high school life. Not much, but enough for me to feel glad and grateful. I may not have the best high school life like other people, but at least I know that I have some good old memories and some good people to be remembered whenever people asked me about my high school year next time.  

Friends

Assalamualaikum wbt

  

Friends come and go 
As the currents ebb and flow 
The swells and ripples that they make 
Leave mixed emotions in their wake 
For some friends drift with changing tide 
Come on strong and then subside 
Only to be cast Upon the shore 
Disappear and be seen no more 
But Some friendships are strong enough to stand 
the changing tides and shifting sand 
What is strong enough to set these friendships apart 
Affinity of mind and heart 
Love much more than mere token 
thoughts understood 
Yet unspoken 
A common bond, a mutual goal 
An understanding heart and soul 
It's these little things that mean so much 
Are strokes of friendship's velvet touch 
[Karina, sfraves, 2002]

That Muslimah

Assalamualaikum wbt

I'm in the middle of struggle for so many things and it had come to a point where I just want to give up. I just thought that there are too many things to catch up and too many things to be fixed. But, as much as I want to give up, deep down inside my heart, I prefer to stay and try my very best to find my way to face all of these at once. If I step back and turn away, I am not going to win this battle and that sucks even more. To be defeated would ache more than facing the fight and got bleed.

I know I need to rise and have the courage to step forward. I need to change myself to be a better person. I want to be that Muslimah who is always busy managing her career, seeking knowledge, finding out ways to contribute to the ummah, serving her parents, family and friends excellently, and so much more! 

I know I can and I know I am not alone. I have so many excellent Muslimah icons for me to look up to and be inspired with. And of course, above all, I have Allah swt to guide me through all of these challenges and hardships. Insya Allah, I can do this!

Che

Assalamualaikum wbt

Sejujurnya aku merasa amat berat nak tulis ni, but, here we go.

Throughout my years in UPM, I must say, that I have been very very very blessed to have been eased in terms of adapting myself in the new environment. When I was in foundation, I have roommates that immediately became close and clingy. When I entered degree, to my surprise, I have my own ex-classmate (of foundation year) as my roommate, thus I need not to make so much effort to adapt myself in degree life and to mingle with others. And she is named Fasihah Shamsuddin. We called her 'Mache' because she literally lives in Machang, Kelantan. Hahaha. Ini semua kerja Zia.

Honestly, in this 4 years time (almost), she has actually been the most supportive, attentive, and the best of friend. She is the most genuine person anyone ever known. She is always herself, all the time. Right from her attitude to her attire, it's all very 'Mache'. You get what I mean right? You know you are very blessed and lucky if you have a friend that can be clingy with, be fun with, but at the same time, always reminding you to be good, be kind, to have good thoughts (the one that I'm not good at), to pray and to remain calm from time to time, and this person, is everything about it. Of course, she never is a perfect person. Everyone have flaws. But, the positive vibes that she has, override the negative one, which is very little. I'm not exaggerating. This is exactly who she is.

She may not know this, but, setiap kali aku balik dari kelas, atau balik dari rumah, atau dari mana-manalah, once sampai je bilik, one thing that I'll look for is her slipper or shoes. Yeah, kinda creepy right? Mohon jangan salah faham. I always love when she is around. It's a kind of calmness and a feel of ease that are indescribable. Now that she has left, for good, aku betul-betul tak tahu how am I going to survive the earlier phase of my final semester next month. It will definitely be very emotional and challenging, but insya Allah, I'll get through it, just because, it will be over somehow. Someone reminded me, "Ini, akan berlalu". And it will, insya Allah.

To this person, terima kasih tidak terhingga untuk segala-galanya. Terima kasih sudi jadi peneman masak, peneman beli makanan, peneman berjalan, 'jogging', hahaaa, sentiasa sudi mendengar dengan setia segala luahan dan cerita aku walaupun kadangkala berulang kali topik yang sama, terima kasih selalu datang event luncheon aku untuk support, sentiasa bagi semangat dan ada waktu susah dan senang, sentiasa tegur bila aku dalam kedaan tak betul, sentiasa ajar aku sangka baik, sentiasa tunjuk contoh yang baik dan macam-macamlah. Mohon maaf pada segala salah silap, terkasar bahasa dan tersilap bicara.

Aku akan rindddduuuuu sangat pergi beli makanan sama-sama, makan kat lantai sambil tengok video, gossip pasal the 'hipsters' (kau faham kan?) hahaha, pergi sewa kereta and berjalan tak ingat dunia, explore tempat-tempat yang kau tak pernah pergi. Aku akan rindu balik je dari kelas nak bercerita apa-apa yang jadi pada haritu, atau sampaikan salam dari ehem ehem. Aku akan rindu nak habiskan sayur-sayur dari makanan kau sebab kau tak suka makan sayur. Aku sure kalau aku tengok orang-orang yang berkaitan ni, atau kalau aku duduk lepak-lepak dengan gengfood nanti, aku akan teringat kau sangat. Maigaddd, macamanalah sem depan ni.

Walau apa pun, inilah dia namanya lumrah kehidupan. Sebuah pertemuan akan pasti ada perpisahan, baik dengan jarak ataupun kematian. Wherever you are, I'll always pray for your good, and please take care. Kalau tak masa ini kita berpisah, nanti di penghujung zaman belajar ni pun, kita akan berpisah juga. In the end, we would all have to deviate to take our own paths and to take the new steps for a new life. Circle kita semua akan berbeza eventually. Thank you for everything! Moga Allah permudahkan segala urusan kau dunia akhirat. Moga Allah ganjari dengan pahala dan belas kasihNya kerana sentiasa menyantuni seorang sahabat. Moga kita terus bersahabat baik, sampai bila-bila, sampai syurga! Aku sayaaaaaaangggg kau sangat, lillah!

"Kita bertemu, untuk bertemu selamanya"

  

Perfect Bouquet

Assalamualaikum wbt

As much as I love roses, but my heart blooms when I see this beautiful bouquet. It is the most perfect combination of my favourite flowers: rose, peonies, and ranunculus, and it's in creamy white! My favourite colour! 

Belongs to etsy.com, found in Pinterest. 

When A Foodie Talks About Arts

Assalamualaikum wbt

One day marina texted me, asking me about my opinion on her designs for her final project and exhibition. She was asking me about her poster design, on how to alter it to make it look balance and all, and my suggestion went something like this.

Oh screw me. Hahahaha. As much as I love designing and arts and everything related, I must be honest that I am not a creative person. Not at all. I can only be good at getting inspired and produce the exact design that I'm inspired with. Hahah. 

You know, when I was little, I had the ambition to become a doctor, and that could make any parents proud and hopeful, until just one day, when I about to finish my high school, I decided to become a graphic designer. Being so close with Marina since childhood and having to share the same interest, we both had even planned to pursue graphic design together, and we applied. We plan, Allah plans too, and His planning is always the best of all. Marina got it, went for interview, and passed it, but I didn't. So right at that moment, our path started to deviate. Maybe because I am not that creative, God forbid me from graphic design and let me be in the food industry instead.

Me and Marina, we both rarely meet up but once we do, we would talk like there is no tomorrow as there are too much things to share all at a time. And often, at the end of the talk, we would went sentimental and always amazed at how much this friendship could last. Meanwhile, I would always added that how I am proud with her pursuing graphic design and excel in it. The fact that she is pursuing what we both love is a kind of happiness to me and is just so exciting as well. It's like, since I don't get the chance, so she is somewhat pursuing it for me too. Get it? hahah. Although I am not in the designing industry as much as I wish for it, Marina would always asks me for opinions on her designs, and that make me feel appreciated. She knows that I love it so much and still, now.

That's why I love you *oopss* hahah, and will always do insya Allah!

"Pray for our life route okay. Hopefully each of our step takes us to something better and bigger." - Marina

Oojengster Shell Out Feast!

Assalamualaikum wbt

Final exam has already ended finally, and so, in order to celebrate this happiness (as if we had never have final examinations before hahaha), we held an Oojengster's Shell Out Feast!

Yeah, Shell Out has been so famous lately because of its uniqueness of having the dining concept on the table, WITHOUT the plates, forks, spoons and other proper dishware for dining. That is just a very cool and casual way of eating out, especially when they serve seafood, where you need to fold your sleeves up, and get all messy to dig out and enjoy the tender juicy meat inside the shells.

However since the news saying the restaurant does not own a Halal certificate went viral, everybody just freaked out and decided to not go there (plus, the expensive price). I do not know who is the person who started the Shell Out at home, but it also went viral afterwards as it save much more cost, and of course Halal guaranteed. Since then, everybody seems to be trying the Shell Out concept at home, doing it for family events and friends. And we.... decided to try it out too! Hence, the Shell Out Feast at our little college room.

We started all by doing the groceries, buying all the ingredients and of course, the seafood needed.

Before the groceries took place, we have had all the items needed listed down, including the recipes! We allocated a RM20 budget per person, so that's a total of RM160 all together. That seems a lot. Since none of us have the experience of buying seafood on our own, we did our survey to search for the standard prices for the seafood that we wanted to buy. Looking at all all the prices, we freaked out! 

RM20-RM30 per kilo of crab? RM25-RM27 per kilo for squid? So how about prawns? And and, we still have clams to buy okay, don't forget! Oh, and chicken tooooo! Is our budget enough? How much can we get for a kilo? And there you go, the googling and blog readings started. So after some readings on some of the blogger experience having Shell Out at home, it looks like the budget that we had seems to be enough. At that time, we just surrendered and hoped that it will be adequate. We had even be ready to cancel out some items just in case the budget went over the limit.  

Once we started the grocery at Giant, we went straight to the seafood dept. I was hesitated to choose the crab at first. I mean, come on, what do I need to check before choosing the PERFECT crab? Is this okay? How about this one? Uncle in front of me must have been laughing inside while watching me choosing the crab. Huh. But in the end, I just thickened my face, matter no more on the criteria and chose them like a PRO! Bhahaha. I took only 4 pcs while my mind whispering "Cukuplah tu. 4 kerat 2 jadilah 8. Sorang separuh. Yang ni entah-entah dah lebih sekilo.". But then after weighing and pricing, "Eh, RM11 only?". So I immediately asked my friend to get more of it. We added 4-5 pcs after that hahaha. Well, amateur seafood buyer. Full of drama. 

Back to the college, we started to unpack all of the things, separating the veggies and the seafood items. Since the budget seemed to be more than enough, we even got to buy some more items that were not in the list such as the dory fish, some surimi (fishball, crabstick etc), wedges, and more veggies. After the tasks have been delegated, works started to begin! Some were cutting the veggies, the paste ingredients, some were trimming and washing the seafood, the chicken, overall, everybody were working together splendidly!

So here is our menu and rough budget for the Shell Out dining:

Chilli Crab and Squid

Butter Prawn and Clams (Lala)

Dory Sweet and Sour

Tom Yam with Surimis and Veggies

Salad

Buttered Shittake Mushroom

Fried Chicken

Potato wedges

8-9 pcs Ketam Bunga (Medium)  = RM23

1 Whole Chicken = RM10

2 pkts 400g Frozen Peeled Baby Shrimp (because fresh shrimps are not available) = RM23

Approx 900g of Surimi (Fishball, Crab Stick, Seafood Tofu) = RM19

1 pack of Lala =  RM9-RM10

1 pack of 600g Frozen Dory Cube = RM9
5pcs of Squid XL = RM14

All the balance are used for veggies, spices, sauces, wedges and other miscellaneous ingredients.
A total of RM160 for 8 person (or more actually) and there are still leftovers after eating. 

We started the preparation at about 5.00pm, and officially finished all of the cooking by around 8.00pm. After everybody took their shower, we then laid the 'plastic mat' on the floor, pulled out all of the dishes on it, recited the prayer, and started digging in!

Everybody was having a good time eating, chit chatting but still in disbelief that everything was prepared on our own. We were scared at first having the thought that it might gonna be a disaster because we never prepared these kind of dishes on our own. Besides, seafood is quite sensitive in terms of its preparation, the cleaning, the cooking method and so on and we just don't wanna ruin it. So having the dishes all set in front of us, was just a part of the satisfaction. Alhamdulillah. Creditlah sikit come onnn, we never cooked such expensive food and make it delicious hahaaa! 

It was nice to hear compliments from each other on the dishes that have been prepared. A kind of appreciation you know. We were having such a good time together. The fact that this is the last gathering with complete all 8 of us was quite an emotional feeling although none of us really show it to each other. We don't know when are we going to have the chance to gather this way again. Mache and Syu is leaving for their practical soon. So it will be only all 6 of us left, and the most painful part is, I'm going to be left without a roommate after almost 4 years of being with the same person. It's going to be a very tough and challenging final semester and I can no longer go crazy, gossip or spill out all of the emotions to my roommate when there are things go wrong. I'm sorry, I'm just quite sentimental when it comes to this matter. Okaaayyy let's move on! *wipe tears*

Anyway Alhamdulillahhhhhh the plan went very well. Everybody enjoyed the food, enjoyed the talk, enjoyed the laughter, enjoyed having bloated stomach for eating too much hahaha, enjoyed everything! I am very very very grateful, having to be blessed with this kind of friendship and FRIENDS like them. I know myself very much and I really do not deserve all these kindness around me, all these wonderful people around me. May Allah grant each one of you and myself His blessings, His kindness, and shower us all with His unconditional love. It has finally came to the final semester and may we all graduate with flying colours, and most importantly, may we all in the end be united in the paradise. After all, that's our life goals. Amiin, insya Allah.

Hiks. 

Last Paper Syndrome

Assalamualaikum wbt

One more paper. Come on!

Pinterest Inspired. Doodles and sketches since I was so bored. 

I really do not have the mood already as this is the last paper for the final exam. Plus, it's my least favourite subject of the semester, how can anyone expect me to give my all for this? I'm all for Oojengster's Shellout Feast (I'll make post about this hehe), roommate dates and going back home now. That's all in my mind (plus the worry of tomorrow's paper). Sigh

Welcome 2016 with Excitement!

Assalamualaikum wbt

A very hellooo to the first day of 2016 that is going to end just a few more hours. Hah!

My first day has just been wasted with internet browsing almost the whole day. Gaaahh! I even had my lunch in front of the laptop while watching Youtube videos. A 'fried' Mee Sedap and coffee although I already had one in the morning muahahaha. Coffee has always been a very good companion to me. Always faithful. Hiks. 

Few days before, Instagram has been flooded with people posting their best 9 photos of the year, recapping on their countless and best memories that they had, looking at where they are now and amazed at how much they have gone through in a year despite of the ups and downs.

Basically, it's what everybody is going through. 

Unlike any other years before, I didn't felt so sentimental or the need to write a special post, looking back at the past or how much I've been through before entering the new year. I just thought that everyone is having the same feeling more or less. We will go through the hard and easy part. We will eventually rise up after being defeated in a battle. We will eventually heal ourselves after having a break down. Don't we?

Or perhaps this is a sign of maturity? I'm getting old I know. 

Although this new year is not really celebrated in Islam, we cannot deny the fact that we make every single planning and sum up our life achievement based on Masihi calendar. Now everyone deserves to take that as somewhat a 'border' of the present and the past, and use it to make positive changes with the resolution of getting a better ME. If we are not doing any positive progress for ourselves and the people around us, then it is going to be 'JUST ANOTHER YEAR'.   

As for me, I'm very much excited to walk through each day of 366 days in 2016. It's a leap year everybody! So much big things are going to happen this year insya Allah. Graduation, convocation, my first official job and I'm expecting many others. Pheww so nervous! 

So bismillah, may Allah ease and bless our journey, no matter where and when. 

Amiinn.  

Bahagia

Assalamualaikum wbt

Petang ini terasa untung dan bahagia. 

Terima kasih buat rakan,

Yang sanggup bersusah bawa kudapan ke kelas sebagai hadiah, 

Juga buat rakan, 

Yang sanggup datang ke kediaman semata menghantar makanan untuk dijamah. 

Ketahuilah bahawa setiap usaha kalian itu adalah sedekah.

Insya Allah. 

Moga Allah sentiasa rahmati!

Angan-angan Dunia

Assalamualaikum wbt

Bila difikirkan masa hadpan, rasa seriau je. Kadang aku bercita tinggi, kadang aku mahu biasa-biasa sahaja.

Adakala aku rancang penuh teliti masa depan aku, tentang kerjaya, tentang bisnes, dan segalanya tentang masa hadapan. Ada waktu, aku cuma mahu menjadi suri rumah, menjaga keluarga dan juga anak-anak.

Adakala aku impikan perkahwinan yang gah, mewah, di dewan besar yang indah, bersama dayang-dayang, memakai dress yang mewah. Tetapi adakala angan-angan terhenti dan hanya ingin perkahwinan yang biasa, mudah dan ringkas. Berjubah sahaja, tanpa pelamin, tanpa si dayang.

Adakala rasa semangat nak teruskan belajar hingga phd, mahu suara mudah didengari, lantas dakwah mudah disampai. Tapi adakala rasa payah, dan aku rasa mahu berhenti cukup setakat ini.

Haihlaaa dunia.

Mengapa berat sekali aku memikirkanmu?

Appreciation

Assalamualaikum wbt

Do you have your own diary? To keep things in memory? No matter sad or happy?

13 August, 2015
I took the chance to do solat jemaah just now with Huda. Nobody is at home. Only 2 of us. Alhamdulillah. I don't know why, it feels so good. Habis solat, dan doa, kami remain duduk dan aku tanya pada dia how was school, studies and other stuffs. Aku baru tahu dia salah seorang ketua kumpulan dalam kumpulan kelas dia. Aku baru tahu subjek favourite dia Maths. Aku baru tahu kek favourite dia kek yang buah-buahan. Bersungguh dia cerita tadi. Aku banyak ketinggalan rupanya. 

"Kak Nini garang tak?"
"Garang. Sikit."
"Sikit tu sebab apa?"
"Bila Huda buat salah"
"So kalau tak nak Kak Nini marah?"
"Huda jangan buat salah"

I was reading my previous writings in my diary and stumbled on this. It makes me realised, that I have focused too much on myself all this while. Even after the post above. In fact, all of us are much the same. Being selfish without us realising it. Don't you think?

Let's change! Let us be more concerning, caring, in a good way. In a way that can make others feel appreciated and happy. After all, what's the meaning of life without the presence of the people in our life? And what is the meaning of their presence if they are not appreciated?

To Show, Love

Assalamualaikum wbt

Semalam sebelum keluar untuk beli barang yang dipesan oleh Ummi, Abi tanya "Naik air yogurt tak?". Of courselah jawab aku "Naaakkk!". Favourite kot! And he eventually brought back 4 bottles of yogurt drinks.

Pagi tadi, Ummi masuk kejutkan aku. Duduk bersama senyuman di sebelah aku yang masih baring di katil, sambil tanya malam tadi tidur pukul berapa and she tickled me. Heheeee. Aku terasa macam masih anak kecil, dan aku amat rindukan momen itu.

Cinta.

Kadangkala tidak perlu diucap atau dilafaz melalui bibir.

Perbuatan dan tindakan.

Penzahiran cinta yang paling menusuk kalbu.