Assalamualaikum
Ramadhan Rant #5
Assalamualaikum wbt
Ramadhan has been a bit overwhelming for me, personally. To be honest, I am easily distracted with my worldly responsibilities, succumbed into them, that I am losing myself in this spiritual journey.
On the other hand, I know, it shouldn't be a journey. It should be part of my life and utmost priority, because the ultimate goal of life is Jannah. But I feel lost. I feel down most of the times because my exhaustion beats all the desires of my spiritual plans. It is an everyday struggle from the day I left usrah years ago, and I'm still struggling to pick it up day by day, but I have my own personal reason of doing so. Part of the reason was more to feeling unattended and just come by for usrah's attendance sake. Not like "tawar hati", but more like giving up on myself.
But I know Allah's mercy is beyond everything. As long as you want it, you chase for it, you hasten yourself for it, even on the days you breakdown and fail, but you manage to bounce back and search for it, Allah's mercy is there, always.
I know, whatever that we do that exhaust us is also a part of the ibadah, counted as pahala, but.... I want to be more specific in ibadah. To be able to qiyam, to be able to maintain my Quran reading, to be able to commit to zikr, religious podcasts, to be able to be kind hearted regardless the situation. Things like these. Orang kata, kalau tak boleh buat semua, jangan tinggal semua. Because of this phrase, I keep myself positive. I stick to my Quran reading. On the days that I feel down, this is the only one that I can ever do it without hesitant. Always yearn to do it.
So this is the tips for you. For you yang masih bertatih and still searching.
Get one spiritual habit that you can stick with without hesitant without stress without exhaustion.
And do it with the hope that Allah accepts it for your pure intention, and that the barakah from it, Allah will grant His mercy, grant more blessings, grant us the tawfiq & hidayah that we always look for to make ourselves better each day.
Ramadhan Rant #4
Assalamualaikum wbt
It's 1.55 am in the morning, and yes, you guessed it, I can't sleep.
It's been more than a week of cough and flu for me & Na'ilah. Some tough days to sleep because the cough gets worsen at night, most probably because of the cold temp. We rely on Hurix and Habbatussauda je for now, cause that works best on us since forever. Hopefully this flu & cough will subside soon, it creates utter discomforts most of the time, especially at night. Na'ilah also has not been to school for 4 days now. Since Covid, preschools are taking serious precaution. So basically, Na'ilah unable to attend school because her school teacher advised so.
Anyway, what's in my mind?
It has been 1 year plus since I became SAHM (Stay At Home Mom). Well, basically I'm BAHM (Baking At Home Mom). I bake for a living😂 I hate to go back to why I was desperately wanted to be in the current position, but it started to be seen as reasonable that whenever I wanted to go back working, it just doesn't make sense anymore, the situation no longer fits in my life. I mean, priority has shifted tremendously ever since I stay at home --- Kids, on whom to take care, whom to feed, which daycare to send, on top of that, more money for daycare; then in laws, at least there's somebody at home to rely on should there be any emergency, or just getting any help for anything, oh and... cook!; then house chores, to manage it all anytime I want, ample time to do so; then the flexibility of time; I get to rest whenever I want. Alhamdulillah. The only cons is the financial part which my husband has always reminded me that... it's never the main issue and it will be sorted out anyway, just kena usaha. I honestly penat baking HAHAHAHA although I enjoy doing it. Just the idea of making sales is exhausting. I pray, my husband dimurahkan rezeki sebanyaknya in near future, so that I will no longer worry about making salesssssss. Hehe.
Actually, there were lots of different opinions on me no longer working the typical 9-5 job.
Some supported me, staying positive, saying it's good for the kids, it's good to have wife at home because that is where she belongs to (positively), it's good that only the men go and cari rezeki. But some also secretly questioning my decision. Why are you not working? Then, income, how? What's wrong with the company that you left? Why you susahkan diri? Nanti susah tak ada backup saving. Nanti orang pandang serong, lepas kahwin je jadi housewife.
I'm still adapting with the responses when I say I no longer work in office but I bake, but I'm able to summarise that whatever it is, it all came back to my own purpose. WHY I RESIGN.
Kids? Yes.
Stress? Double yes.
It's gonna be a long story here but in short, my ability to cope with stress decreased after having a baby (disclaimer: not putting any blame here). I get irritated and triggered easily for even the smallest thing. I became very sensitive. I became very anxious and overthinking, worse than before. So yes, for the sake of my mental health too, I resigned. And then, just nak dijadikan cerita, my in laws went for umrah, went through cardiac surgery, I delivered 2nd baby, Na'ilah started to go to school, it all just fits in nicely shortly after. As if this is the hikmah of me staying at home.
Struggle? Yes.
But I gonna struggle anyway regardles I'm working or not, just in different forms. So I choose my battles with the most benefits. And for now, this is it. Cuma bila orang tanya, I never say this is the final decision. My husband also aware that he is all good should I want or need to come back to work. But just for now, this is it.
I'm still in pieces of puzzle. Sometimes I take for granted on the flexibility of time that I have. But I have plans and hopes, and I believe one day, I'm gonna benefits this flexibility the most. I know most moms sebenarnya wanted to be in this position, but, we weigh the pros and cons and we choose our battles. Choose based on your priority, and besides your family, your priority should always be YOURSELF :)
Ramadhan Rant #3
Assalamualaikum wbt
3rd day of Ramadhan already, and that's just how fast time flies.
Hujung minggu ni kami masih di Puncak Alam. Harini juga saudara mara suami (belah Ibu) datang untuk buka puasa bersama. Juadah yang telah dipersetujui: Kari ayam, ayam goreng berempah, sayur campur dan karipap. Dan bersetuju juga yang aku sediakan prep ayam goreng, ibu mertua akan gorengkan.
Tapi seperti biasa, ini semua "scam". HAHAHAHAHAHA
Siang selepas balik daripada beli barangan masak, sewaktu semua tengah sibuk sediakan bahan-bahan memasak, "kari ummi & opah masak kan?", *diam*.....aku tanya lagi "Ummi, kari tu ummi & opah masak kan?", kemudian Ummi mertua ku jawab "Kita masak sesamalerrr". Aikkk, ini sudah lari daripada peracangan dan aku bingkas menjawab "Ini bukan dealnya ni!" (sambil ketawa).
Acually, aku memang berkira bahagian2 kerja di rumah ni, sebab memasak akan mengambil sepenuh kudrat aku, while at the same time, I have 2 kids to ensure they are entertained, given food, bathed, menyusu time puasa some more. Tapi bila dah dikata begitu, redha jelah. Akhirnya, by 2pm, Opah suami yang dah siapkan kari untuk dimasak.
2.30pm, aku dah mula di dapur untuk masak. So aku masak ayam goreng berempah, gorengkan karipap alang2 sekali nak menggoreng tu, dan masak sekali menu aku tambah sendiri pagi tu - terung tempe berlado. All in big quantity 20 org makan, my Ummi must be super proud of how I am now 😂
6.30pm, semua yang tanda hadir tiba di rumah. Full house alhamdulillah. Keluarga belah suami (both sides) memang adik beradik ramai, jadi bayangkan sepupu sepapat, ipar duai, juga anak masing2 yang dah berkeluarga, riuh dibuatnya. It's something I've adapted since the beginning of marriage. A total opposite, sebab keluarga belah aku on both sides, itulah saje makcik pakcik aku, itulah sahaja yang aku ada. Abi 4 beradik, Ummi pun 4 beradik (1 meninggal). Kalau berkumpul, siapa tak ada tu kita tahulah. Hahahahaha
Alhamdulillah, semua enjoy masakan. Ramai juga yang membawa juadah lain sebagai tambahan. Na'ilah enjoys her ayam goreng berempah :)
Waktu suap Na'ilah makan, she looked at the plate:
"Waaaa, ni ayam goreng rempah ke?"
"Iyeeee"
"Uwaaa terima kasih mami masakkan ayam rempah untuk Na'ilah"
Awwww, melts my heart right away. Glad that my mom in law suggested that as one of the menu.
Ramadhan Rant #2
Assalamualaikum
It's the 3rd day of school for Na'ilah. How is she doing? Not really well waktu hantar :( Meronta dan menangis dia taknak pergi sekolah, nak mami. Kadang runtun hati ni tengok, kesian dia umur 4 tahun dah kena bear with this test. But we decided to enroll her for school because:
1. She is already excited for school
2. I'm unable to cater to her homeschooling needs. She is such a talkative and intelligent girl. So it's such a waste to let her be at home with just watching TV & play toys.
So because she has shown her readiness, we enrolled her. Ternyata..... we didn't expect her reaction, and so does she😅
Hari pertama hantar sekolah, all good. Bye2 je dekat pagar tak ada menangis. But something happened on the day. Air yogurt yang dia bawa tu tumpah dan dia minta cikgu call Mami, tapi cikgu kata tak perlu. So I think this is the part that triggered to her to realise that now Mami is no longer gonna be there anytime whenever something happened.
Dan hari-hari seterusnya, dia tak semangat dah nak pergi sekolah sebab "Nak Mami". Haiyaaa, runtun hati bila hantar dia ke sekolah asyik menangis menjerit meronta "Nak mami". At times I feel like I am torturing her for letting her go through this struggle at such young age (4 years old), but I know this is the right time and best for her insya Allah.
Mami pun kena kuat sama hati macam Na'ilah. I literally cried dalam kereta setiap kali lepas hantar cause I can feel and understand her pain. I share the same feelings sejak dari kecil, setiap kali berada di tempat baru. It's the feeling of loneliness that she has there.
You will get through it Na'ilah, I am very sure. Mami doakan Na'ilah sentiasa cekal hati dan kuat jati diri. It's gonna be tough at early phase. We'll give some time for each other to adapt this. Semoga Na'ilah cepat dapat sesuaikan diri, make many friends, absorb as much as you can apa yang dipelajari :)
Ramadhan Rant #1
Assalamualaikum wbt
Hari pertama Ramadhan, aku cuba melaluinya kalini walaupun masih sepenuhnya menyusu badan. Alhamdulillah, dapat menjalaninya dengan baik. Gathered around few advices. Some suggested milo, horlicks, some said fibre food, tapi yang paling common punya tips is to eat protein. So yes, added that to my sahur. Ada juga tips minum air nabeez for energy especially for ibu menyusu. Insya Allah kita cuba nanti bila teringat.
Dah 2 tahun puasa tidak sempurna yang aku lepaskan begitu sahaja. Tahun lepas, the whole month tak puasa sebab keadaan hamil yang rendah hb, sampai kena warded for cosmofer drip. Jadi, dah banyak sangat hutang puasa, hutang fidyah ni belum terlaksana. Itulah sebab kuat untuk puasa juga kalini walaupun menyusu badan dan walaupun ada keringanan bagi ibu menyusu.
Alhamdulillah okay semua. Susu Hanzholah pun cukup insya Allah.
So moms, add in protein to your sahur and a favorite hot drinks of your own :)
Ramadhan kalini santai. Aku taknak push diri sangat. I am sticking to Quran. Selagi aku dapat istqamah everyday baca quran, itu dah memadai. Sebab dah bertahun terbabas untuk khatam on time dalam Ramadhan. Jadi kalini aku buang semua hajat dan impian tu supaya aku tak rasa gagal. Biar satu, jangan tiggal semua.
Kita cuba.
Ramadhan Kareem peeps. Moga Allah berikan kita taufik dan hidayah untuk beribadah
Nenek
Assalamualaikum wbt
"Bagai patah tak tumbuh lagi.
Bagai hilang tidak berganti.
Bagai terbawa separuh diri.
Bersama pergimu yang tak kembali"
Bagai hilang tidak berganti.
Bagai terbawa separuh diri.
Bersama pergimu yang tak kembali"
Tulisan kali ini, terasa sukar dan berat sekali untuk aku nukilkan.
Of course, yang akan paling dirindui raya ini ialah arwah nenek. Senyumnya. Gelaknya. Usikannya. Latahnya.
On the day of engagement tahun lepas, waktu semua tetamu dah mula santai2, I approached nenek, sembang & duduk di sebelahnya. Ada one moment nenek pegang tangan aku, sambil kata "Nenek doakan urusannya dipermudah, takut tahun depan nenek tak sempat tengok". And I stopped her from continuing her words. But yes, nenek pergi dulu.
Hari beliau pergi, selepas cium jenazah nenek kali terakhir, Mak Ngah gosok2 belakang aku sambil kata " Tak sempat nenek nak tengok nini naik pelamin". Waktu tu, berderai jatuh air mata. Waktu balik, Makngah sebut lagi sekali buat aku sebak kembali.
Hari nikah, segala sebak dan 'nervous' hilang gara-gara tok imam bagi khutbah yang terlalu panjang. Tak keruan semua dibuatnya menanti khutbah untuk berakhir. Dan usai nikah, tatkala bersalaman dengan Makngah, sebak datang kembali, air mata tumpah jua kerana Makngah sebut "Nenek tak ada harini nak tengok nini nikah". It was just 4 months since Nenek passed away at that time, kehilangannya masih terasa. Sehingga kini pun.
Tulisan di atas ni, aku dah draft daripada tahun 2018 lagi. Sebelum aku kahwin, tapi tak pernah dihabiskan. Sampai sekarang pun sebenarnya, I couldn't put my words properly for this loss. Hanya susunan ringkas, tak pernah mampu nak bercerita panjang tetapi dalam ingatan, segala memori terus bermain; dalam hati, rasa rindu tetap menjengah; kalau dimulakan perihal tentang nenek, macam-macam ingin dicerita.
Baru-baru ini kami berkumpul ahli keluarga - anak, cucu, cicit, bergotong royong kemaskan rumah arwah nenek kerana tuan tanah telah menuntut kembali hak mereka. Macam-macam kenangan yang mula kembali di ingatan. Ruang dapur, ruang tamu, halaman luar, even bahagian belakang rumah nenek pun ada cerita dan kenangannya. Generally, we were all raised here. Ia dekat di hati kami.
Apa pun, hidup kena diteruskan. Yang pergi takkan kembali, hanya kenangan tersemat di hati.
Al Fatihah buat arwah nenek, Alpiah bt Hussain.
Sekurang-kurangnya
Sekurang-kurangnya
Sekurang-kurangnya aku sudah usaha.
Sudah cuba. Sudah sedaya upaya sehabisnya.
Sekurang-kurangnya.
Aku kurang gemar perkataan ini.
Seperti melepaskan diri dari sebuah tanggungjawab dan jaminan
Tapi itulah hakikatnya
Perkataan ini
Memang di kebanyakan waktu yang kita rasa sudah memberikan sedaya mampu,
Itulah yang diungkapkan.
Bukan untuk melolos diri daripada apa yang bakal berlaku kemudiannya.
Kerana ternyata jika ianya berlaku jauh dari apa yang kita mahu,
Kita pasti akan tidak senang, tidak suka, malah kadang ke tahap benci dan kecewa.
Lalu keluarlah ungkapan ini.
Sekurang-kurangnya.
Untuk pujuk diri,
Bahawasanya kita memang sudah beri yang termampu,
Dan yang berlaku selepas tu hanyalah dalam aturan Allah swt.
Sekurang-kurangnya aku sudah usaha.
Sudah cuba. Sudah sedaya upaya sehabisnya.
Sekurang-kurangnya.
Aku kurang gemar perkataan ini.
Seperti melepaskan diri dari sebuah tanggungjawab dan jaminan
Tapi itulah hakikatnya
Perkataan ini
Memang di kebanyakan waktu yang kita rasa sudah memberikan sedaya mampu,
Itulah yang diungkapkan.
Bukan untuk melolos diri daripada apa yang bakal berlaku kemudiannya.
Kerana ternyata jika ianya berlaku jauh dari apa yang kita mahu,
Kita pasti akan tidak senang, tidak suka, malah kadang ke tahap benci dan kecewa.
Lalu keluarlah ungkapan ini.
Sekurang-kurangnya.
Untuk pujuk diri,
Bahawasanya kita memang sudah beri yang termampu,
Dan yang berlaku selepas tu hanyalah dalam aturan Allah swt.
Penafian
Melihat ummi yang sedang sakit
Paati berat sekali
Untuk aku bertanya keadaannya
Bukanlah tanda aku tak endah
Bukanlah tanda aku tak kisah
Tetapi cuma
Yang di mata
Sudah terlalu berat untuk memandang
Mendengarnya pula
Aduh
Lebih memedihkan
Tidak sanggup ku dengar keluhan
Kerana itu semua hanya menikam jiwa
Paati berat sekali
Untuk aku bertanya keadaannya
Bukanlah tanda aku tak endah
Bukanlah tanda aku tak kisah
Tetapi cuma
Yang di mata
Sudah terlalu berat untuk memandang
Mendengarnya pula
Aduh
Lebih memedihkan
Tidak sanggup ku dengar keluhan
Kerana itu semua hanya menikam jiwa
Perit menerima hakikat
Ummi sudah semakin berusia
Sedang tanda-tandanya kian jelas
Ummi sudah semakin berusia
Sedang tanda-tandanya kian jelas
Hanya setelah sekian lama
Barulah aku sedar
Aku sedang berada di dalam penafian
Penafian terbesar sekali
Dan paling mematahkan hati
Barulah aku sedar
Aku sedang berada di dalam penafian
Penafian terbesar sekali
Dan paling mematahkan hati
Tuhan
Beri aku segenggam kekuatan
Kekuatan menerima takdirMu
Beri aku segenggam kekuatan
Kekuatan menerima takdirMu
Sungguh, Kau takkan uji hambaMu melebihi apa yang dia mampu
It Will Be Okay
I wish I could go back to the past
To the moment where I sat beside my mom in the mosque
While waiting for Tarawih
With fallen tears and broken heart
To pat her back and say,
Have faith,
Be strong,
Something good and worth the pain
Is just ahead of you.
Fight
I'm the kind that always fight
For what i know i deserve to
Maybe this time
I'm in the wrong battle field.
Undying Hope
Throughout my life,
I am lacking of example
Of a good man to look up to
From the nearest one I can reach.
Years by years,
Cheated,
And as more truth reveals,
What I earn is just disappointments.
Heartbroken.
It had come to a point where
I felt that I was totally alone
Dying to let out what has been kept long
Inside my heart and mind
Then one day came along
A knight who returned from a war
To entertain my hidden side
Of silliness, laughters,
And emotional rants
Where there I put hopes
For a promising happiness
For a better future
For a better me
But it trembles, too
And I begin to question myself
Was I too bad for everything?
Then I came to realise,
That hope
Is not supposed to be put on anyone.
It supposed to be put on myself
On what i want to achieve
On what i desired to be.
Work on it,
Build it
Complete it.
Hoping on others but you,
Is just the start of continuous disappointments.
Setting Your Intention Right
Assalamualaikum wbt
Everyday I wake up, I set an intention to be a better Muslim, a better daughter, a better sister, a better employee. To treat everyone better. To love everyone more.
Everyday, I try to observe closely all the things around me and learn some values from it.
Everyday, I try to set my intention right, to give and gain the best from everyone.
But many times, I failed, and people around me only see the failure part because that is the 'product'. People don't usually see the process. They just want to see the end result. Hence, they see me as a negative person, short-tempered, impatient, easily give up, unfriendly and many more. They don't see what I've done to be a better version of myself. They don't see the tears that fall for having to bear with all the hardships along the journey.
Like a lady who worked hard to bake a cake, but it turned out to be a disaster, and people would just point to her and said, " Your cake is a disaster".
That's just the right way to reflect the situation that I'm in right now.
Other people don't see the struggle and the pure intention that I have made. That's why it all must start with and come back to Allah, The Most Merciful. The Most Gracious. The Most Understanding. He knows all, and He will grant us all with His blessings, with the goodness that He has promised. It is enough to know that Allah witnesses all of it and I believe, surely He will reward us all for the effort that we have made. Insya Allah.
Everyday I wake up, I set an intention to be a better Muslim, a better daughter, a better sister, a better employee. To treat everyone better. To love everyone more.
Everyday, I try to observe closely all the things around me and learn some values from it.
Everyday, I try to set my intention right, to give and gain the best from everyone.
But many times, I failed, and people around me only see the failure part because that is the 'product'. People don't usually see the process. They just want to see the end result. Hence, they see me as a negative person, short-tempered, impatient, easily give up, unfriendly and many more. They don't see what I've done to be a better version of myself. They don't see the tears that fall for having to bear with all the hardships along the journey.
Like a lady who worked hard to bake a cake, but it turned out to be a disaster, and people would just point to her and said, " Your cake is a disaster".
That's just the right way to reflect the situation that I'm in right now.
Other people don't see the struggle and the pure intention that I have made. That's why it all must start with and come back to Allah, The Most Merciful. The Most Gracious. The Most Understanding. He knows all, and He will grant us all with His blessings, with the goodness that He has promised. It is enough to know that Allah witnesses all of it and I believe, surely He will reward us all for the effort that we have made. Insya Allah.
The 'Me' Time
Assalamualaikum wbt
I love this. Alone. In a coffee shop. With a mug of hazelnut latte --- favorite companion for coffee time. Observing. Thinking. Jotting down some thoughts. That's just how I love my 'me' time.
But I know, as much as I love this 'me' time, I am absolutely do not belong to this kind of treat. I hate to say this, but I am definitely belong to the hectic life. Being busy. Being loaded with lots of chores and tasks to do. Having datelines to be followed. I have the tendency to be a workaholic but I refuse to think about it that way because the word sounds negative (to me), so perhaps I could just replace it with the word 'committed'. Yeah, that's better.
Amidst the chaotic life, I love the moment when I can finally sneak some time out for myself. That way, I learn to value my 'me' time even more. It doesn't need luxurious stuff to fill the treat and make me feel good. Sometimes a book and a cup of coffee, and some free time to write is enough to retreat myself.
Everybody has their own way of retreating themselves with 'me time'. It doesn't necessarily need to be on your own. Some people might love to have their best friend accompanying and do what they love to do together. Some people might use it to make self reflection, go to religious classes or talk, do volunteering work, and many more.
Whatever it is, how a person spend the 'me' time does not really matter as long as it does not go against what is prohibited. What matter most is that from each 'me' session, there is a sense of satisfaction to fulfill one's desire of escaping themselves from the daily routine or any problems. We need this. We all need this. With the hope that, every 'me' time can provide us all with a much relieved heart and mind, and of course, a booster to start the routine or to face any problem all over again.
I love this. Alone. In a coffee shop. With a mug of hazelnut latte --- favorite companion for coffee time. Observing. Thinking. Jotting down some thoughts. That's just how I love my 'me' time.
But I know, as much as I love this 'me' time, I am absolutely do not belong to this kind of treat. I hate to say this, but I am definitely belong to the hectic life. Being busy. Being loaded with lots of chores and tasks to do. Having datelines to be followed. I have the tendency to be a workaholic but I refuse to think about it that way because the word sounds negative (to me), so perhaps I could just replace it with the word 'committed'. Yeah, that's better.
Amidst the chaotic life, I love the moment when I can finally sneak some time out for myself. That way, I learn to value my 'me' time even more. It doesn't need luxurious stuff to fill the treat and make me feel good. Sometimes a book and a cup of coffee, and some free time to write is enough to retreat myself.
Everybody has their own way of retreating themselves with 'me time'. It doesn't necessarily need to be on your own. Some people might love to have their best friend accompanying and do what they love to do together. Some people might use it to make self reflection, go to religious classes or talk, do volunteering work, and many more.
Whatever it is, how a person spend the 'me' time does not really matter as long as it does not go against what is prohibited. What matter most is that from each 'me' session, there is a sense of satisfaction to fulfill one's desire of escaping themselves from the daily routine or any problems. We need this. We all need this. With the hope that, every 'me' time can provide us all with a much relieved heart and mind, and of course, a booster to start the routine or to face any problem all over again.
That Little Hope For the World
Assalamualaikum wbt
I'm always touched by little gestures shown by other people.
Like a Chinese who politely said 'tumpang tanya' when he wanted to ask for directions.
Like a Nigerian Muslim who passed by, greeted me with smile and Assalamualaikum.
And the lady above (third from left), who is not yet a Muslim, but approached us and tell us that she loves the Muslims wearing hijab because they look beautiful, and asked us to wear the hijab on her, right at that moment.
There. Amidst the chaos and extreme terrorism, I believe we still have hope for this little world. Insya Allah.
I'm always touched by little gestures shown by other people.
Like a Chinese who politely said 'tumpang tanya' when he wanted to ask for directions.
Like a Nigerian Muslim who passed by, greeted me with smile and Assalamualaikum.
And the lady above (third from left), who is not yet a Muslim, but approached us and tell us that she loves the Muslims wearing hijab because they look beautiful, and asked us to wear the hijab on her, right at that moment.
There. Amidst the chaos and extreme terrorism, I believe we still have hope for this little world. Insya Allah.
Past
Assalamualaikum wbt
Oh Allah, I still remember the day that I was extremely heartbroken.
I remember that it happened in Ramadhan.
I remember one night, as I was sitting in masjid, waiting for Tarawih prayer, memories started to come, and I, being the weakest person at that moment, could no longer hold my tears from falling.
Right at that time, Ummi patted my back, gently.
She was trying to comfort me.
She didn't even asked.
Not even a word.
It was as if she understood it all.
But of course, she did.
The pain, The sadness, The anger.
And my tears kept on falling.
Tears of relief. Tears of love.
Knowing that I have my mother to give me support.
And above all, I have Allah swt,
Who know all the good things meant for me, the slave.
Few years have passed.
I'm hoping for something good this time.
Something worth the pain and the tears.
May Allah ease. Insya Allah.
Oh Allah, I still remember the day that I was extremely heartbroken.
I remember that it happened in Ramadhan.
I remember one night, as I was sitting in masjid, waiting for Tarawih prayer, memories started to come, and I, being the weakest person at that moment, could no longer hold my tears from falling.
Right at that time, Ummi patted my back, gently.
She was trying to comfort me.
She didn't even asked.
Not even a word.
It was as if she understood it all.
But of course, she did.
The pain, The sadness, The anger.
And my tears kept on falling.
Tears of relief. Tears of love.
Knowing that I have my mother to give me support.
And above all, I have Allah swt,
Who know all the good things meant for me, the slave.
Few years have passed.
I'm hoping for something good this time.
Something worth the pain and the tears.
May Allah ease. Insya Allah.
Definisi Cinta
Assalamualaikum wbt
Cinta, perkataan ini sahaja boleh buat sesiapa sahaja tersenyum dan tersipu. Betapa hebat kuasa cinta ini, sampai ke tahap dia bisa mengubah seseorang baik katanya, rupanya, mahupun tindakannya.
Dulu, bila sembang tentang ini, memang bukan main lagi dibuai-buai perasaannya. Mengelamun. Berangan. Pada setiap lagu-lagu cinta itu, tersimpan berjuta makna pada bait-bait lirik yang diungkap. Semuanya kalau boleh mahu dikait dengan perasaan sediri yang sedang bermain dalam hati.
Tetapi kian dewasa, kian membesar, cinta menjadi perkara yang semakin rumit untuk difikirkan. Kerana visi cinta kita kini telah menjadi lebih besar, lebih realistik, lebih jelas, dan lebih bermakna. Ada matlamat murni yang ingin dicapai untuk manfaat bersama. Bukan lagi samata-mata untuk kepuasan diri atau dilihat sebagai suatu bentuk "keperluan".
Visi ini, jika terlaksana, maka suburlah kasih sayang dalam diri setiap insan. Dengan kasih sayang ini, menjadi motivasi untuk sentiasa berusaha mencapai keharmonian dalam masyarakat, menjadi motivasi untuk mengajak lebih ramai kepada kebaikan, menjadi motivasi untuk diri sendiri terus melakukan kebaikan, yang akhirnya, akan membawa kepada pembinaan ummah yang kuat, kukuh, kental, harmoni, sejahtera dan segalanya yang baik, demi memakmurkan agama Islam pada setiap aspek.
Di puncak cinta ini, tentunya,
adalah untuk membolehkan kita semua sama-sama beroleh tempat di syurga Allah.
Jom, ubah visi cinta kita.
Insya Allah.
Cinta, perkataan ini sahaja boleh buat sesiapa sahaja tersenyum dan tersipu. Betapa hebat kuasa cinta ini, sampai ke tahap dia bisa mengubah seseorang baik katanya, rupanya, mahupun tindakannya.
Dulu, bila sembang tentang ini, memang bukan main lagi dibuai-buai perasaannya. Mengelamun. Berangan. Pada setiap lagu-lagu cinta itu, tersimpan berjuta makna pada bait-bait lirik yang diungkap. Semuanya kalau boleh mahu dikait dengan perasaan sediri yang sedang bermain dalam hati.
Tetapi kian dewasa, kian membesar, cinta menjadi perkara yang semakin rumit untuk difikirkan. Kerana visi cinta kita kini telah menjadi lebih besar, lebih realistik, lebih jelas, dan lebih bermakna. Ada matlamat murni yang ingin dicapai untuk manfaat bersama. Bukan lagi samata-mata untuk kepuasan diri atau dilihat sebagai suatu bentuk "keperluan".
Visi ini, jika terlaksana, maka suburlah kasih sayang dalam diri setiap insan. Dengan kasih sayang ini, menjadi motivasi untuk sentiasa berusaha mencapai keharmonian dalam masyarakat, menjadi motivasi untuk mengajak lebih ramai kepada kebaikan, menjadi motivasi untuk diri sendiri terus melakukan kebaikan, yang akhirnya, akan membawa kepada pembinaan ummah yang kuat, kukuh, kental, harmoni, sejahtera dan segalanya yang baik, demi memakmurkan agama Islam pada setiap aspek.
Di puncak cinta ini, tentunya,
adalah untuk membolehkan kita semua sama-sama beroleh tempat di syurga Allah.
Jom, ubah visi cinta kita.
Insya Allah.
The Pioneer is Graduating Soon!
Assalamualaikum wbt
I'm so scared to put the title as above, because, you know, anything could happen before all of us graduates officially, but I pray really hard, hopefully God will ease us all and let everything run smoothly until convocation day!
So yes, as the title goes, I need not have to say much, we are walking towards it insya Allah.
Walking, because the official result and graduating status will only out in July or mid August. So, we are not running that's for sure. Lol.
Pheww. 4 years together!
Throughout the 4 years, we've seen the best part and the worst too, from everyone. And I mean it. EVERYONE. There's only 31 of us after Emy left, and it's so easy to get attached with each other and create a good bond. A close one of course. We've also created quite a good bond with the lecturers because our department is small too among the lecturers! Hehe.
I do not know how to put everything in my mind into words properly. Seriously, it's so hard. I can only shed tears when I recall the memories one by one. Probably because I have just too may things to be said that all of them could only make me remain speechless. Before I decided to post this, I've so many ideas on what I want to talk about and what I want to say, but once I placed my fingers on the keyboard, everything in my mind just vanished.
I've made a video for the class. Weeks before that, I have tons of ideas in my head on what to be given, and what the outcome of the video will turn out. I've even drafted all of them in paper. In my vision, it's going to be so detail, so memorable, so touching and superbbbb, but yeah, we can only plan. I realised that I don't really have much time to do all of those things that I've planned. I've even decided to postpone the making of the video, but because I really wanted to leave them with something to be remembered, hence, the video.
Oh dear, I am definitely going to miss you guys so much! Langkawi, Melaka, those tours and field trips we went, kitchen and events, assignments, laughs, tears, stress, pressure and many moreeeee! Gaahhhhhh. I wanted to list everything but that's just impossible.
4 years, what a long journey. Never thought that we could make it till the end, but Alhamdulillah, we made it! We are graduating soon guysssss!
Thank you everyone, thank you lecturers, thank you coursemates, until we meet again.
Amiinnn insya Allah.
I'm so scared to put the title as above, because, you know, anything could happen before all of us graduates officially, but I pray really hard, hopefully God will ease us all and let everything run smoothly until convocation day!
So yes, as the title goes, I need not have to say much, we are walking towards it insya Allah.
Walking, because the official result and graduating status will only out in July or mid August. So, we are not running that's for sure. Lol.
Pheww. 4 years together!
Throughout the 4 years, we've seen the best part and the worst too, from everyone. And I mean it. EVERYONE. There's only 31 of us after Emy left, and it's so easy to get attached with each other and create a good bond. A close one of course. We've also created quite a good bond with the lecturers because our department is small too among the lecturers! Hehe.
I do not know how to put everything in my mind into words properly. Seriously, it's so hard. I can only shed tears when I recall the memories one by one. Probably because I have just too may things to be said that all of them could only make me remain speechless. Before I decided to post this, I've so many ideas on what I want to talk about and what I want to say, but once I placed my fingers on the keyboard, everything in my mind just vanished.
I've made a video for the class. Weeks before that, I have tons of ideas in my head on what to be given, and what the outcome of the video will turn out. I've even drafted all of them in paper. In my vision, it's going to be so detail, so memorable, so touching and superbbbb, but yeah, we can only plan. I realised that I don't really have much time to do all of those things that I've planned. I've even decided to postpone the making of the video, but because I really wanted to leave them with something to be remembered, hence, the video.
Tadaaaa. Seadanya sahaja, but Alhamdulillahhhhh!
4 years, what a long journey. Never thought that we could make it till the end, but Alhamdulillah, we made it! We are graduating soon guysssss!
Thank you everyone, thank you lecturers, thank you coursemates, until we meet again.
Amiinnn insya Allah.
Mixed Feeling
Assalamualaikum wbt
Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal. All praise to Allah swt. The last paper has finally ended and I've got my thesis hardbound!
These few weeks have been quite an upside down, emotionally. I may be smiling and laughing, but deep down inside my heart, there's a mixed feelings. I'm all excited to finish my study, but at the same time, I'm sad, scared. It's hard to believe that it's ending. It feels so surreal! Somebody must pinch me hard and tell me that this is all happening.
And, it is.
The news feed has been filled with posts on graduating, finishing their last paper, submitting their hardbound thesis, and others related. I wanted to update too to express my feeling of accomplishment, gratitude, and such, but I have too many things to be said. If I can, I really want to go to each and everyone who have been there with me, just for me to say thank you.
I know the ultimate source of strength is from Allah swt. I know I wouldn't be able to be where I am right now without His guidance and His blessings. But, those people that have been with me are also a great source of strength and support sent by Allah swt.
Masya Allah, I have just too much to be said but I just couldn't express it all. For all the prayers, thoughtful words, supports, advice, laughs and tears, I can only pray that Allah swt will grant each and everyone of you with His love, His mercy, and His blessings.
Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal. All praise to Allah swt. The last paper has finally ended and I've got my thesis hardbound!
These few weeks have been quite an upside down, emotionally. I may be smiling and laughing, but deep down inside my heart, there's a mixed feelings. I'm all excited to finish my study, but at the same time, I'm sad, scared. It's hard to believe that it's ending. It feels so surreal! Somebody must pinch me hard and tell me that this is all happening.
And, it is.
The news feed has been filled with posts on graduating, finishing their last paper, submitting their hardbound thesis, and others related. I wanted to update too to express my feeling of accomplishment, gratitude, and such, but I have too many things to be said. If I can, I really want to go to each and everyone who have been there with me, just for me to say thank you.
I know the ultimate source of strength is from Allah swt. I know I wouldn't be able to be where I am right now without His guidance and His blessings. But, those people that have been with me are also a great source of strength and support sent by Allah swt.
Masya Allah, I have just too much to be said but I just couldn't express it all. For all the prayers, thoughtful words, supports, advice, laughs and tears, I can only pray that Allah swt will grant each and everyone of you with His love, His mercy, and His blessings.
Perempuan & Emosi
Assalamualaikum wbt
Emosi
Kelemahan aku
Maka adakalanya aku lebih gemar berdiam
Tapi banyak masa aku gagal
Sebab emosi lebih besar daripada sabar
Dan aku masih
Gagal untuk kawal
Dan itu antara kegagalan terbesar aku
Penyesalan tak berkesudahan
Tetapi masih tetap berulang
Sedih
Emosi
Kelemahan aku
Maka adakalanya aku lebih gemar berdiam
Tapi banyak masa aku gagal
Sebab emosi lebih besar daripada sabar
Dan aku masih
Gagal untuk kawal
Dan itu antara kegagalan terbesar aku
Penyesalan tak berkesudahan
Tetapi masih tetap berulang
Sedih
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)