Sekurang-kurangnya

Sekurang-kurangnya

Sekurang-kurangnya aku sudah usaha.
Sudah cuba. Sudah sedaya upaya sehabisnya.

Sekurang-kurangnya.

Aku kurang gemar perkataan ini.

Seperti melepaskan diri dari sebuah tanggungjawab dan jaminan

Tapi itulah hakikatnya
Perkataan ini

Memang di kebanyakan waktu yang kita rasa sudah memberikan sedaya mampu,
Itulah yang diungkapkan.
Bukan untuk melolos diri daripada apa yang bakal berlaku kemudiannya.
Kerana ternyata jika ianya berlaku jauh dari apa yang kita mahu,
Kita pasti akan tidak senang, tidak suka, malah kadang ke tahap benci dan kecewa.
Lalu keluarlah ungkapan ini.

Sekurang-kurangnya.

Untuk pujuk diri,
Bahawasanya kita memang sudah beri yang termampu,
Dan yang berlaku selepas tu hanyalah dalam aturan Allah swt.

Penafian

Melihat ummi yang sedang sakit
Paati berat sekali
Untuk aku bertanya keadaannya
Bukanlah tanda aku tak endah
Bukanlah tanda aku tak kisah
Tetapi cuma
Yang di mata
Sudah terlalu berat untuk memandang
Mendengarnya pula
Aduh
Lebih memedihkan
Tidak sanggup ku dengar keluhan
Kerana itu semua hanya menikam jiwa

Perit menerima hakikat
Ummi sudah semakin berusia
Sedang tanda-tandanya kian jelas

Hanya setelah sekian lama
Barulah aku sedar
Aku sedang berada di dalam penafian
Penafian terbesar sekali
Dan paling mematahkan hati

Tuhan
Beri aku segenggam kekuatan
Kekuatan menerima takdirMu

Sungguh, Kau takkan uji hambaMu melebihi apa yang dia mampu

It Will Be Okay

I wish I could go back to the past

To the moment where I sat beside my mom in the mosque
While waiting for Tarawih
With fallen tears and broken heart

To pat her back and say,

Have faith,
Be strong,
Something good and worth the pain
Is just ahead of you.

Fight

I'm the kind that always fight
For what i know i deserve to
Maybe this time
I'm in the wrong battle field.

Undying Hope

Throughout my life,
I am lacking of example
Of a good man to look up to
From the nearest one I can reach.

Years by years,
Cheated,
And as more truth reveals,
What I earn is just disappointments.

Heartbroken.

It had come to a point where
I felt that I was totally alone
Dying to let out what has been kept long
Inside my heart and mind

Then one day came along
A knight who returned from a war
To entertain my hidden side
Of silliness, laughters,
And emotional rants

Where there I put hopes
For a promising happiness
For a better future
For a better me

But it trembles, too

And I begin to question myself
Was I too bad for everything?

Then I came to realise,
That hope
Is not supposed to be put on anyone.
It supposed to be put on myself
On what i want to achieve
On what i desired to be.
Work on it,
Build it
Complete it.

Hoping on others but you,
Is just the start of continuous disappointments.

Setting Your Intention Right

Assalamualaikum wbt

Everyday I wake up, I set an intention to be a better Muslim, a better daughter, a better sister, a better employee. To treat everyone better. To love everyone more.

Everyday, I try to observe closely all the things around me and learn some values from it.

Everyday, I try to set my intention right, to give and gain the best from everyone.

But many times, I failed, and people around me only see the failure part because that is the 'product'. People don't usually see the process. They just want to see the end result. Hence, they see me as a negative person, short-tempered, impatient, easily give up, unfriendly and many more. They don't see what I've done to be a better version of myself. They don't see the tears that fall for having to bear with all the hardships along the journey.

Like a lady who worked hard to bake a cake, but it turned out to be a disaster, and people would just point to her and said, " Your cake is a disaster". 

That's just the right way to reflect the situation that I'm in right now.

Other people don't see the struggle and the pure intention that I have made. That's why it all must start with and come back to Allah, The Most Merciful. The Most Gracious. The Most Understanding. He knows all, and He will grant us all with His blessings, with the goodness that He has promised. It is enough to know that Allah witnesses all of it and I believe, surely He will reward us all for the effort that we have made. Insya Allah.

The 'Me' Time

Assalamualaikum wbt

I love this. Alone. In a coffee shop. With a mug of hazelnut latte --- favorite companion for coffee time. Observing. Thinking. Jotting down some thoughts. That's just how I love my 'me' time.

But I know, as much as I love this 'me' time, I am absolutely do not belong to this kind of treat. I hate to say this, but I am definitely belong to the hectic life. Being busy. Being loaded with lots of chores and tasks to do. Having datelines to be followed. I have the tendency to be a workaholic but I refuse to think about it that way because the word sounds negative (to me), so perhaps I could just replace it with the word 'committed'. Yeah, that's better.

Amidst the chaotic life, I love the moment when I can finally sneak some time out for myself. That way, I learn to value my 'me' time even more. It doesn't need luxurious stuff to fill the treat and make me feel good. Sometimes a book and a cup of coffee, and some free time to write is enough to retreat myself.

Everybody has their own way of retreating themselves with 'me time'. It doesn't necessarily need to be on your own. Some people might love to have their best friend accompanying and do what they love to do together. Some people might use it to make self reflection, go to religious classes or talk, do volunteering work, and many more.

Whatever it is, how a person spend the 'me' time does not really matter as long as it does not go against what is prohibited. What matter most is that from each 'me' session, there is a sense of satisfaction to fulfill one's desire of escaping themselves from the daily routine or any problems. We need this. We all need this. With the hope that, every 'me' time can provide us all with a much relieved heart and mind, and of course, a booster to start the routine or to face any problem all over again.

That Little Hope For the World

Assalamualaikum wbt

I'm always touched by little gestures shown by other people.

Like a Chinese who politely said 'tumpang tanya' when he wanted to ask for directions.
Like a Nigerian Muslim who passed by, greeted me with smile and Assalamualaikum.
And the lady above (third from left), who is not yet a Muslim, but approached us and tell us that she loves the Muslims wearing hijab because they look beautiful, and asked us to wear the hijab on her, right at that moment.

There. Amidst the chaos and extreme terrorism, I believe we still have hope for this little world. Insya Allah.

Past

Assalamualaikum wbt

Oh Allah, I still remember the day that I was extremely heartbroken.
I remember that it happened in Ramadhan.

I remember one night, as I was sitting in masjid, waiting for Tarawih prayer, memories started to come, and I, being the weakest person at that moment, could no longer hold my tears from falling.

Right at that time, Ummi patted my back, gently.
She was trying to comfort me.

She didn't even asked.
Not even a word.

It was as if she understood it all.
But of course, she did.
The pain, The sadness, The anger.

And my tears kept on falling.
Tears of relief. Tears of love.
Knowing that I have my mother to give me support.
And above all, I have Allah swt,
Who know all the good things meant for me, the slave.

Few years have passed.
I'm hoping for something good this time.
Something worth the pain and the tears.
May Allah ease. Insya Allah.

Definisi Cinta

Assalamualaikum wbt

Cinta, perkataan ini sahaja boleh buat sesiapa sahaja tersenyum dan tersipu. Betapa hebat kuasa cinta ini, sampai ke tahap dia bisa mengubah seseorang baik katanya, rupanya, mahupun tindakannya.

Dulu, bila sembang tentang ini, memang bukan main lagi dibuai-buai perasaannya. Mengelamun. Berangan. Pada setiap lagu-lagu cinta itu, tersimpan berjuta makna pada bait-bait lirik yang diungkap. Semuanya kalau boleh mahu dikait dengan perasaan sediri yang sedang bermain dalam hati.

Tetapi kian dewasa, kian membesar, cinta menjadi perkara yang semakin rumit untuk difikirkan. Kerana visi cinta kita kini telah menjadi lebih besar, lebih realistik, lebih jelas, dan lebih bermakna. Ada matlamat murni yang ingin dicapai untuk manfaat bersama. Bukan lagi samata-mata untuk kepuasan diri atau dilihat sebagai suatu bentuk "keperluan".

Visi ini, jika terlaksana, maka suburlah kasih sayang dalam diri setiap insan. Dengan kasih sayang ini, menjadi motivasi untuk sentiasa berusaha mencapai keharmonian dalam masyarakat, menjadi motivasi untuk mengajak lebih ramai kepada kebaikan, menjadi motivasi untuk diri sendiri terus melakukan kebaikan, yang akhirnya, akan membawa kepada pembinaan ummah yang kuat, kukuh, kental, harmoni, sejahtera dan segalanya yang baik, demi memakmurkan agama Islam pada setiap aspek.

Di puncak cinta ini, tentunya,
adalah untuk membolehkan kita semua sama-sama beroleh tempat di syurga Allah.
Jom, ubah visi cinta kita.

Insya Allah.